Comical Vengeance
by Lieutenant FrankenFish
Summary: Was called Riza's tears and Roy's confusion but has been renamed lets just say that all hell is breeaking loose, with the Mustang gang in the middle. Ed will be joining in on the fun soon!Royai, Havocai, Favoc FueryXHavoc
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Hayate……

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA; if I did it would revolve around Hawkeye and Mustang and no one would read it XD. Royai forever

"Hawkeye?" Roy's voice sounded concerned but she ignored, lost in her own reality where everything was alright.

"……"

"Hawkeye, what's bothering you?" His voice was closer this time, she noted in the corner of her mind.

"HAWKEYE!?!?!?!?!" This time she awoke from her trance, his constant shaking saw to that. "Huh?" was her only acknowledgement. "What. Is. Bothering. You?" replied the Colonel. "The vet" at these words her eyes filled with tears which gently began to cascade down her pale cheeks.

"_OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP" _His inner voice began to say, "_I MADE HER CRY!!!!" _ Unfortunately for the Colonel Havoc and Ross came into the room, shortly followed by Hughes who had his arm round Gracia. All eyes turned to the crying Lieutenant and the Colonel, who looked like a deer in headlights. Ross and Gracia were the first to speak. In unison. Together. In one overpowering high pitched voice.

"WHAT DID YOU DO!?!?!?!?!?" His ears hurt. A lot.

"Ummmm, I uhhhh, ya see, I…." During his session of stammering his eyes seeked out Havoc and Hughes, who were of no help, both looking shocked at the sight of Hawkeye crying. Then he made the mistake of looking at the women. Two sets of eyes ablaze with fury. They looked like they were going to kill him…..

"He didn't do anything" said a small voice, so soft that Mustang thought another person had entered the room. But it was Hawkeye. "He was trying to help." She continued.

"What's wrong darling?" said Gracia, coming to sit beside Riza.

"It's Hayate" she replied, her eyes downcast, "the vet says he's not got much longer."

"Come on Lieutenant" smiled Havoc, evidently trying to cheer her up "he'll be fine" he continued. He noticed that she didn't move but looked like she was going to cry. Havoc wrapped his arms around her "there, there, it's gonna be fine."

Surprisingly she returned the hug and smiled. "Thank you, Havoc she said. Behind her the Colonel bristled with jealousy.

"_Awwwww, what a sweet couple they make"_ sneered his inner self. _"Soon there gonna get married, have kids. And hey, maybe they'll name one ROY"_ it smirked, putting emphasis on his name.

"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!" Mustang yelled aloud. Riza looked like she was going to cry again.

"Hawkeye I wasn't saying it you, you see…." His excuse was cut off by the ringing phone.

"Hello?" answered Hawkeye in a soft voice. "Hello, Miss Hawkeye" the phone made the voice of her landlady sound metallic and cold. "I regret to inform you about Hayate…"

"I know" jumped in Riza "but everyone one says he'll be fine" she looked as if she thought that saying those words over and over would make Hayate better.

"No, you don't understand" the voice sounded colder "dogs aren't covered on the lease, I have to throw you out."

"Oh." Was the Lieutenants only reply. "I'll have your stuff delivered to your new residence, but I'm keeping the furniture seeing as you never paid the deposit. So you'll only have you clothes. Call me with your new address." The voice at the end was cut off by a low monotone sound, telling her that the person at the other end had hung up.

"Can I stay with you tonight Sir?" Hawkeye asked. She looked so desperate and…, and _old_. He couldn't say no, even if he wanted to.

"Of course, get your stuff and we'll go" he smiled, "thank you" she said passing a quick glance at the others telling them to leave. They all complied.

"Sir" she asked, holding her stomach. "Hmmmm?" Mustang looked up from trying to find his keys.

"Sir I don't feel well…." At the last sentence she fainted. "Hawkeye!?!?!?!" yelped Roy, shaking her, which probably didn't help the matter.

Riza sighed, showing that she wasn't deathly ill.

"_She looks sooooooooooo cute"_ grinned his inner voice.

"Yeah she does" said the Colonel aloud, picking her up and carrying her bridal style, slowly making his way to the door. "Time to go home" he smiled looking down at the woman in his arms. "If only I could do this when she was awake."

Mustang placed her gently in his car and got ready to go back to his house.

What do you think of my first chapter?

This is my second time writing a fanfiction but the first one was so dirty that my love of my life and I agreed that it should never be read be any one else it was Naruto, Sakura and Kakashi XD

Please review, chapter 2 comin' up ;)


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Yeah I don't own FMA.

Sensei does

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Riza Hawkeye slowly opened hers eyes. Reached for her gun and promptly shot at the man whose hand was lying across her stomach.

"Owwwwwwww" groaned a man's voice from under the covers.

"Sir" Riza shook Mustang, hard. "WAKE UP HENTAI!!!" She yelled, resorting to her favourite method of communication.

"Huh"

"Its 6.am Sir, time to go"

"Don't wanna"

Riza Hawkeye rolled her copper eyes and picked up her gun. Roy opened his eyes and came face to face with the barrel of her gun. Any thoughts of innuendo ran from his head as he ran, hopped and indeed, skipped to get ready.

"So Riza" drawled Roy "what do you want for breaky?"

"First of all Sir, it's _Lieutenant_ Hawkeye and you cook?"

"Hey, I'm a _gourmet _chef and its off-work hours so I can call you whatever"

"Whatever is fine for me Sir, i don't eat breakfast but thank you for the offer"

"Whaaaaaaaa!?!?!?" The amazed Mustang looked at his more-than-slightly-curvy subordinate with his mouth hanging open like a baka. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day and if you're worried about weight…" The Lieutenant frowned. "Then I can think of a number of ways for you to lose it." His eyes strayed to the bedroom door and at that moment Riza whacked him over the head with her gun.

"I'll just make an extra portion for you" he mumbled.

"Sir?"

"Yes, Riza?"

"Do you think Hayate will be okay?"

"Of course" Roy smiled and looked at her, you're welcome to stay as long as you like and when Hayate's better he can come too"

Impulsively Riza hugged him.

"Thank you Sir"

"Tell you what, lets go to the vets now and come into work late"

"But Sir…."

"Nope" he shook his head "It's decided, lets roll"

They ate there breakfast and Riza commented how good it was whilst Roy chattered inanely about God knows what.

THE VETS 9.00AM

"Hayate will be fine" the vet grinned and bowed. "I made a mistake and totally messed up, he's fine, just a cough." He continued but the quickly put in "That'll be £400"

Both Roy and Riza ignored him. Roy because he was busy staring at his subordinate.

"_Yes OUR subordinate"_ his inner self chuckled at the dirty thought.

Riza because she was busy hugging her doggie. "Buraha!" she kept exclaiming with joy. During this time Roy silently strolled to the vet.

"Here's the money, just tell her it was on the house or something…"

"Yes Sir" saluted the vet with joy. Yessss money, precious money….

HEADQUARTERS 11.00 AM (they stopped for a long drink at a café, ohhh myyyyy…..)

"Hey Hayate" laughed Havoc as the dog jumped on him covering him with doggie kisses, it was the most action he had in a while gulp

"Ummmmmm Hawkeye" mumbled Fuery "The Fuhrer wants to speak with you about fraternisation, I think your in deep shit……"

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What do ya think I love Havoc but he is fun ta tease grins

Did I get into the characters better?

Oh and I tried to add more detail please R&R.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Nope FMA is not mine XP

"Fraternisation!?!?!?!" Roy and Riza yelled in unison "I did nothing of the sort!"

"Just tell him that" pointed out the red-faced Fuery

"Like he'll listen"

It was at this point the Fuhrer got fed up of waiting and walked into Mustangs office and found him laying on top of Riza with his hand on her butt.

"MUSTANG, HAWKEYE, FOLLOW ME, NOW!"

Havocs cigarette had fallen from his mouth, Fuery and Falman were blushing like crazy and Breda was standing there like a dope, and of course, there was Hughes grinning like a madman holding up wedding photos behind the Fuhrer's back.

THE FUHRER'S OFFICE……

"Sir" spoke up Hawkeye "we can tell you the truth about what happened"

"Really?" The sarcasm was tangible

Roy jumped in "Yes Sir, you see…"

Flash back

Riza and Roy had been yelling and stomping in frustration when Riza in all her wrath slipped on a pile of paperwork.

Roy being the gentleman he was, gave her his hand so that she could get up but woe and behold he to slipped and fell-onto Riza. Thank God Fuery had left the room with Havoc.

Roy had _let _his hand stray to his subordinate's derrière and grabbed it, the version the Fuhrer heard of that bit was that Roy had hit his head when he fell and was very disorientated and he didn't know what he was doing.

"Ah" said a smiling Fuhrer "that explains everything, but I wanted to say that you two could be together because I'm abolishing that idiotic fraternisation law"

"_Crap" Riza's inner self_

"_SCORE!!!!!!!!!" Roy's inner self started to dance "gonna get myself some derrière, derrière and derrière. _

"Well, I hope that I did not scare you to fraternising love birds" laughed the Fuhrer "you can go now.

Riza and Roy said there pleasantries, bowed and left.

"So, Riza"

"It's Hawkeye or Lieutenant at work sir"

"Come on Riza! I like you, you like me lets get together!"

"Oh God you IDIOT!" Yelled Roy's inner self "you just said 'I like you' and then told her that she liked you!!!"

When Roy awoke from his trance he discovered that Riza had fled the scene.

He became worried "Riza….."

Meanwhile, in the toilets….

"Oh God he likes me" She was hyperventilating "well I love him but I can't say it and oh god I'm a virgin" She was so very white.

At this point Roy strode into the toilets grabbed Riza hand, looked into her eyes and kissed her, French style.

Her mouth was on fire, her heart beating against his chest, oh god I need air. He let her have it.

Short I know next time longer! But it's kinda a cliff-hanger, what will she say, do, think? o0

Will Roy take the next step? Tune in next time for this dramatic soap XD sorries it had to be done!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Want but do not have

Oh and I apologise for the crapness of me story recently it has been slipping, now lets try to get the quality back!

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"_Oh my goodness" Riza's inner self gasped "I must stop reading those romance novels, the Colonel would just use me and dump me like so many others, __fantasizing won't change it."_

"Riza?" Mustangs worried voice emanated from behind the door "look, I'm really sorry if I hurt your feelings, you are me best friend y'know"

"Don't be sad Riza we're here for you" Hughes voice joined Mustang. Then there was a slight sound of a watch beeping "ah, gotta go, I'll be here for you later Riza-chan" Hughes voice called back after the sound of running feet.

"_Whatta loser" Roy's inner self glared after the fleeing Hughes "crud what do I do now?"_

"Ummm Sir?"

"Ri….Hawkeye, you have emerged!"

"I'm sorry for running Sir, I have just been a little emotional lately.

"Ah I seee…." Not really understanding at all, Roy nodded.

"Have you done your paperwork?" Her face brightened at the prospect

"Noooooo….." He sweatdropped.

"Oh okay"

"_she sounded…..chirpy…….OH DEAR GOD NO, RUN ROY RUN!"_

"Get back here you procrastinating philanderer!"

"You'll have to catch me first" Roy yelled, looking behind me. He ran straight into…

"My brother, friend, cousin, son!!!"

"Armstrong, I-I c-can't-t b-breathhhh"

"Ah my brother, FORGIVE ME!" By now tears were streaming down Armstrong's face

"Look Armstrong" ah yes Roy's revenge "It's Hawkeye!"

"LITTLE SISTER!" Armstrong bounded after her.

"I'll get you for this Roy!!!"

"Haha, but I shall by long gone!"

"_Idiot, she is living with you"_

"WHOOT!" he yelled to no-one in particular.

Meanwhile…………

Riza had hidden herself in the supply closet and was having problems breathing.

"Oh yet another woman to turn me down…"

"_Havoc?"_

The door creaked open slightly.

"_Ahhhh soo this is where he goes to drown his sorrows…"_

"_Wait if he sees me he'll yell, Armstrong will come and then……"_

Without a second thought, Riza grabbed Havoc and yanked him in with her.

"Hawkeye, what the he…." He was silenced by her hand on his mouth.

"Shhhhhh, Armstrong is one the prowl"

"Ah, and you're hiding then?"

"Yes" She hissed.

"Hmmmmm, tell you what…"

"What?" Her flat voice answered him.

"If you give me a quick kiss or let me….then I won't alert Armstrong"

"You have got to be kidding me" She reached for her guns…which weren't there…

Havoc had them twirling round his finger with a smirk on his face.

"Give it!"

"Give us a kiss"

"No"

"Yes"

_Bloody nose, Havoc thought._

Riza had really socked him, black eye, bloodied nose. It's what you get for being a perv.

"Hentai" she whispered.

"Still here then?"

"Of course, Armstrong's still alive, isn't he!"

She bent over to look through the keyhole giving Havoc a spectacular view of her behind.

"_He's gone"_

"Yes" Thanked Riza to God.

Poor Havoc was left alone yet again as Riza walked out of the closet.

"_Damn" Havoc's inner self…._

In Mustangs Office….

"Hello sir"

Roy turned round to be greeted with a barrel in the face.

"Back already Lieutenant?"

"Yes" frost dripped from her words.

Roy tried to flee but ran into a huge stack of paperwork that Fuery had just brought in.

He gave the younger man a glare.

"Sorry Sir, but she threatened me…"

"Lieutenant, what's this" Roy asked.

"Early birthday present"

"Can you do it?"

"No"

"But Hawkeye" he whined.

"If it's not done by midnight then I will punish you."

"Yes ma'am"

As Riza strode out of his office she had a secret smile one her face, oh yes, she had something planned alright. A nice payback for his little charade with Armstrong today…..

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What's Riza planning?

Does Havoc have feelings for Riza?

Will Roy finish his paperwork?

What happened to Armstrong?

And does Roy have a secret plan for Fuery as payback?

Tune in when all these questions shall be answered!

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Okies, a little longer but more is needed and I'm renaming the story to "comical vengeance" 'cause everyone's got a plan!

Please R&R! Till next time!

Oh and thank you for all you fab. Reviews and I hope that this chapter didn't seem as rushed as the last one

Thank you too:

Shubaltz crazist – WHOOT o keep 'em comin' XD

winglessfairy25 – thanks for all of the reviews you give me

Kurissyma san Tybalt – Thankies for another review! Really? I totally do that when I read stories on here and I get the weirdest looks from my family

ididntdoit8302 – but Mustang was chicken, silly man grins

Riiza – YAYNESS another review from you to!!! HAHA yes the law is gone, free pass for Mustang!

blknblupanther1 – Thank you well what did you think of the next chapter:D

OTP – Yay thank you too!

Angel who can't fly – I would never harm Hayate!

Well thank you everyone!!!!

-Talen-


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